Croikey! It’s ya boy, Corey Wogalter and we’re about to plunge head first into the lawless and wild world of music festivals! Come along, and don’t be shy, it’s gonna get shvitzy.

Music festivals are the greatest things on this planet. They’re up there with freedom, doughnuts, and canceling plans to stay in. The reason why music festivals are great is a simple yet poignant one. It is the ultimate freedom. There has never been less responsibility than at a festival. Just three days of music, sunshine (or mud), and good vibes.

Add into that equation fantastic food, booze, and drugs, and you’re doing excellent! Now, finally, if you get tired from 3 days of perfect bliss, you can take a nap on the grass and nobody will mess with you.

However, there are some people who don’t share this passion and love for festivals with me. These are people who probably don’t know how to properly music festival. And I’m using that as a verb because there are some very, very, VERY important steps and tricks of the trade to be used if you want that perfect festival experience.

I am going to show you the playbook here, and walk you through the important steps you need to take for your next festival.

• WATER. I really can’t emphasize this enough. Drink water, dude. Drink more of it than you think you need. Festivals are hot, humid and exhausting. If you’re drinking water, you’re giving your body what it needs. If you’re not, you’re basically telling your internal organs to go fuck themselves. And that’s not polite.
• Bring in a little nosh. A Nature Valley bar or some almonds. Anything nutritious and will give you fuel is preferred. If you can sneak a pastrami sandwich in, please be my guest, but don’t make a mess when you stuff it inside your crotch.
• A plastic poncho might be wise to tuck in the backpack. So festivals are best under a crystal clear blue sky, big bright sun, and perfect temperature weather. Tank tops, Hawaiian shirts, and sunglasses are a must. However, weather does this crazy thing and changes all the time, so in the case that it starts to rain on your parade, have a leg up on the chumps paying $10 for a garbage bag and bring your own.
• External battery. There are few things less fun than losing your friends at a festival with 50,000 other random strangers with a dead phone. It’s the absolute utmost anxiety for me. And remember what I said about good vibes? Yeah, they don’t include crippling anxiety and crying. So keep a little charge in your phone at least until you’re home safe with friends intact. Plus, save someone else’s battery life. It’s good festival karma.
• Chase your euphoria. I just came up with that. It’s a little cheesy, but it has a good sentiment. Do what makes you feel good. Do what feels right. Chase that feeling you don’t find in your day-in-day-out work grind. That feeling that makes you feel alive to the fullest. The euphoria of hearing your favorite band play your favorite song to you and thousands of your new friends. You might not remember all of your festival, maybe not even most, but you will absolutely remember that moment.
• Bring comfy shoes. Trust fam. You’ll be on your feet all day. I know looking cool is a thing, but so are twisted ankles, so tread on the comfiest sneakers or boots you have.
• Wear a watch, so you don’t have to check your phone so much.
• Finally, and most importantly, make friends. You’ll be glad you did. Festivals are a friendly and communal experience. You make friends with someone, and you both feel better. Scientifically, you get a dopamine rush to the brain. Unscientifically, it’s just nice to be nice to people.

Well, you’ve got my survival guide. I’ll see you out there in the wild Polo Grounds or the Farm. Maybe I’ll pop up in Zilker Park for ACL next year.

IT’S FESTIVAL SEASON!