[Earth, 2120]

Alien 1: Grandpa, please tell me about the year 2020 again.

Alien 2: Well, Zorgnilafu, it was weird as hell. There was sickness, we had riots about whether or not the Galactic Stormtroopers, or as we knew them, the police, should murder innocents, and the scourge of Karens swept the planet!

Alien 1: That sounds terrible, Grandpa Flinglingdorfinshmorf!

Alien 2: It was, my sweet alien grandson. But it wasn’t all a horrendous flaming fart sarcophagus of a year.

Alien 1: It wasn’t?

Alien 2: No, it wasn’t. Because on Friday, July 24th, 2020, then-President Trump mistakenly believed that the hilarious and adorable kids’ show, Paw Patrol, was taken off the air. He was even distraught about it! His Press Secretary admitted to the national public that the President of the United States was “appalled by cancel culture and cancel culture specifically as it pertains to cops. [He] saw a few weeks ago that Paw Patrol, a cartoon about cops, was canceled.”

It’s true, the most powerful buffoon on planet Earth, actually believed, and relayed to the press, that a TV show about talking cartoon puppies, was canceled as a response to the backlash of cops after the murder of George Floyd.

While cop-porn shows like COPS and Live PD, which incredulously paired soft reggaeton music to videos of angry police officers slamming criminals, were taken off the air, cancel culture has not come for Paw Patrol yet.

This is probably because the characters of Paw Patrol protect and serve their communities. As Wren Graves of Consequence of Sound reports, “One works in construction zones, one is a firefighter, one specializes in underwater rescues, and yes, a lone German Shepard works as a police K-9.”

Sounds a lot like we should Defund the Police, not Defund the Bichon Frise.

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